Only in Him

It's easy to focus on how difficult our situation is, but then I need to remember God's goodness in salvation and provision and to be thankful for that. How much do I trust God? 

In difficult times, this is surely tested.
God has His purposes for the good of His children in that.
I see how weak and helpless we really are. 

My rebelliousness and discontentment of situation are exposed, and I am forced to continually confess to the Lord my sinfulness.

I need to be continually reminded that He indeed has good purposes even if I flail about in uncertainty.  I'm thankful for comments I read or hear that remind me not to question God's love or goodness toward me.

I want to love God more and to obey Him, and I also don't want to compromise Biblical truth.  I don't want to grow cold.  What to do?

The present and future are uncertain, and physical health and mental fog make things harder.

Some days I feel awful, and I know that others in the family are experiencing similar difficulties.

My hope must be in the Lord.  He is our only hope.  Only He is able to provide. One day at a time.

Remembering who He is, and that He will help us through in His way and bring things about in His timing is what I need to cling to.  He knows our situation.  He knows my sinfulness, but He also knows my longing to be closer to Him.  How will we make it through?

Only in Him.

Encouragement in Suffering

How Long Must I Suffer?  - Do you ever feel despair in suffering?
You might even be afraid to talk about it with other believers.
The message linked is on Psalm 13, and it is taught by Pastor Don Green in Cincinatti, OH.

Something Better than Life - This message was also given by Don Green, and it is another encouraging message on God's being able to preserve His children until we reach our final destination.

Chris & Rich are a couple of guys that I listen to the podcast of on a regular basis.
On their most recent podcast they addressed the subject of those who suffer - including how not to respond to or address those going through difficult times.

Last but not least, the following is some music for your day sung by James Phillipps.

Surgery Side Two

This week I had another ulnar nerve moved (on my other arm).  This time it was a simpler surgery to release it..  I do not feel like the first surgery was as successful in helping anything except the nerve conduction test to come out better.  It made things feel worse for using that hand, so I wanted a different surgeon this time to do the other side.

Well, I have been majorly stressed out, and it is hard to see how I will get through, but at least the surgery seemed to have gone well.  I was awake at least part of the time, but they tented me to not have to view the surgery.  I did see a person holding what they were tenting me with.  I thought of asking the people how it was going, but I kept quiet.  It only hurt at the end with the nerve, and it felt like one side of my brain felt a corresponding  nerve pain / freeze for a bit.

I have been having meltdowns, and the pain has gradually increased from very little to the level of what I think a scrape up from a bike fall was like as a kid.  Ouch!  The side effects of the prescription were too bothersome, so I'm using over the counter medicine now.

I've been typing this all one handed, so I will keep it brief.
I'd appreciate prayer not only for me, but others in my family are facing surgery and pain issues as well.  I feel like I'm having a breakdown, and God is the only One who can get me through.

I'm thankful for family and others who have encouraged me.

A Reminder of Future Joy in the Midst of Depression

I have been feeling depressed lately, but during this time my mind has had some reminders that give me some encouragement. 

One of these is remembering things from Scripture.

This is what I need to be doing:

"fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2 NASB)

 It's good to remind myself of future joy. Jesus suffered more than I ever have. His disciples abandoned Him, He suffered physically, and... He suffered for my sins & all the sins of all who ever believe. He took God's wrath for sin & even came to the point of asking the Father why He had forsaken Him when He was on the cross. 

 

He suffered more than any of us have & He did it for the joy set before Him. Part of His joy I believe is His relationship with the church...His bride. If our own human suffering whether it be from persecution or physical suffering  or emotional suffering without persecution is light compared to the joys of Heaven with Christ, then the joy there must be beyond words & our finite minds. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

 

So, if I trust God & His sovereignty, then I need to believe God can still use me.  He sees me as righteous in Christ. He uses fallen, frail, fragile human beings that others reject.

He understands my humanness.  While others may reject me & my weakness, He not only still has a purpose for me & can use me...He is my perfect example as well as Savior.  He also uses suffering to cause my dependence to be on Him & to make me more like Him.

He will never leave me or forsake me. 

 

As a Christian, I'm part of the bride of Christ that He has cleansed.  He is going to present Christians as having no spot or wrinkle - as holy & blameless.  (Ephesians 5:27)

 

When I Am Weak

I have times I get discouraged and wonder how I will endure.

I'm not always strong.

I push myself knowing I must endure.  God does have a purpose for me no matter how awful I feel physically at times and how unreal the symptoms make me feel.  There are times when I struggle hard to even focus my mind.  I remind myself of a computer trying to do background tasks when the machine is half asleep.   My head rings loudly, and it seems to want to shut down my brain with the reverberation.  I feel faint at times and my heart/chest feels strange and overreacts to things like stress and stressful movies.
Things do not feel natural like they used to.  Sometimes I have some difficulty breathing, and I often cannot stay up for long and must lie down or at least recline (my FMS pain limits me a lot as well).

I went to the ER recently with difficulty breathing to the extent that I could hardly talk.  My potassium was a little low from my medicine.  Probably it was a combination of the P.O.T.S. or neurocardiogenic syncope and what the medicine did to me (which lowered my potassium).

I know there are people who say, "Why not me?"  when it comes to suffering.  Honestly, I still sometimes ask in my weakest times, "Why me?"
Much of the time I just keep pressing on, but in my worst times I can break down in tears. 
Believe me, I ask God to help me and even to heal me.  
When this happened recently, I remembered something from a verse about taking refuge under the shadow of God's wings.
I know that Jesus understands suffering.  He does care for me.  He hears me when I cry, and He must consider me able to endure. 

If sometimes I trip up and say things wrong, please remember that I sometimes am having to work hard to try to focus.  There are times when things have been improved.  Those times are a blessing.  As I type this my head is ringing loudly and my brain is wanting to slow and shut down.

If you are a Christian, please keep serving God with whatever ability you have no matter how small.  He has done so much for us in saving us from the eternal punishment we deserve.  He is using whatever happens to us for our good and His glory.  One day we will see the final outcome when we finally go Home.

Some people go away from home to see the world.  I look forward to leaving the world to go to my true and final Home.  I'll admit I do pray that I won't have to suffer more physically, but I must trust Him.  I need Him to help me to do that better.

Endurance mentioned in the Bible is often about trials where people are persecuted for righteousness' sake, but I do believe that some of the same principles and verses can encourage those of us who suffer physically as a result of the sinful fallen world.  Both kinds of trials / suffering are working to perfect us more into the image of Christ and make us useful tools for our Lord.  They both produce forms of endurance.  I know it's not just about gritting our teeth and bearing it.  There is a greater purpose, and I must trust Him to bring it about.