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Monday, October 13, 2014

My Only Hope Is Christ

There are times when my feelings lie to me.  My doubts depress me.  I want God to do whatever it takes to make me to fully trust in Him, but then afterwards I beg for mercy as I'm tired of suffering physically. 

It is not my own weak faith that my salvation rests on as though it came from me.  I remind myself that God won't let me go.  Why do I doubt my salvation at times (although not all the time)?  Isn't God trustworthy?  I know He is.  If only I would stop listening to my feelings.  There are times when I love reading the Bible.  Why do I have such a mixture of rebellion with a cold heart and also a strong desire to love and trust God more?  I'm tired of my sinful heart.  I don't want to be in the state of having lost my first love of Christ as in Revelation 2:5.

The thing is that I know that I have believed, but my doubts and rebellious thoughts and wavering feelings of love for God make me question how much I really believe.  I remind myself what Spurgeon said about looking unto Christ and living.  If only I could shake myself of listening to my wavering feelings.  We are born from above by God's grace as Christians. I know it isn't dependent on me.  It is good for people to examine themselves, but it is bad when I get to the point that I examine myself and look inward too much.  I begin to doubt, and like Peter walking toward Jesus on the water I start to feel I am sinking and lost. I must step forward and obey God and stop trusting my feelings.  Feelings come and go, but I must believe God is faithful in spite of my sinful weakness.  Feelings will likely come again if I do what I have done when I did feel more love. 
There have been times when I have felt so close to God and a lot of joy.  He truly is faithful even when we're not.  He will keep His sheep. 
Truly my only hope is Christ. 


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